You’ve encountered a drastic life change; a lover has scorned you. Dumped, cheated on, somehow you’re finally rid yourself of a crazy ex. Now, you sit in anxious confusion, not really sure what happened. Maybe it feels like a loss, and try as you might you can’t help but associate the situation with death; after all, it is the death of a relationship. It feels a cosmic eruption. A cluster-f*ck of what was once your life. The you of the past is unrecognizable, and the you who stands before you is unsure of how she got here. You’re sad, angry, hurt, and confused. Consumed by all these extreme emotions, you want to lash out; be petty. Blast your ex on social media. Destroy their life, just as they have destroyed yours. But don’t. It’s hard, but the best thing that you can do for yourself is to stop, take a breath, and prevent yourself from blindly reacting without inhibition or thought. And if it’s revenge you’re after, well, here’s a beautiful recipe of how to serve it up straight.
1. Don’t Care
If you’re out for blood, let me let you in on a little secret: the best revenge is not giving a sh!t. If you want to be a petty asshole, no judgment, we’ve all been there. But know that the ultimate mind game is convincing your asshole ex that you completely don’t care. You’re fine. Absolutely fine. Now is the time to cancel them from your life; they don’t get anymore screen time. When someone has made you feel insignificant, don’t give him or her anymore power by projecting that into your public life.
Notice I’ve said public. Sure, go home and cry and scream as needed. Honestly if you don’t let yourself cry, you’ll probably find yourself crying a year later wondering how the hell you ended up in whatever aisle of the grocery store having a complete mental breakdown. Cry, because you need to. You’re not a sociopath. But don’t show up at your ex’s place crying. Don’t approach their friends asking what happened. And don’t call their mom or whatever family member of theirs you once considered yourself to be close to. Just don’t. Smile, be polite, and carry on your merry way. Someone who has put you through the ringer doesn’t get to think that you’re sitting home wasting your time thinking about them. Because you’re not; you are fine.
2. Radio Silence
Social media and cell phones have made us totally accessible at any and all hours of the day. Stalkers don’t even have to leave the comfort of their own home to know what your day looked like. After all, you updated your story every hour on the hour. The ego mania or self-inducing harm (depending on if you’re the dumper or dumpee) people suffer from when going through a break up elicits an all-encompassing need to check in on an ex and see how they are doing. The hope being that the person is suffering without you.
The very point of social media is to brag about how good you’re doing; no one is ever posting about how miserable they are. So stop driving yourself crazy by checking your ex’s social media. It’s not going to do anything but twist the knife. In turn, you should also go radio silent. There’s this mentality after a breakup to post about how wonderful and happy you are. Well if you’re not, then don’t because it’s completely transparent. There is massive power in saying nothing. When people who are trying to keep tabs on you (like your ex who’s kind of hopping your life sucks right now because their incessant narcissism) aren’t capable of doing so it’s maddening! Use their mind against them. Let them wonder where you are, what you’re doing, and who you’re with, but don’t show them. Of course, if you’re just someone who can’t help but stay off social media because you’re addicted, even though you tell yourself you’re not, then just block your ex. Don’t get held up over the worry of what this “looks like.” Just block them and delete everyone tied to them who have now been nixed from your life. Now, if and when you are posting, you’re posting for you and your friends; not because you’re trying to prove something.
3. Re-channel the Energy
Now is the time to rewire your brain and understand that you are in an incredibly advantageous position, which is that you now have the time and energy to date yourself. Now that you no longer have to give yourself to someone else, you can rediscover who you are on your own. You’re dating someone new: YOU. You deserve to be happy; to follow through on plans that your ex never did; to spoil yourself with a nice gift; to try something new! Climb out of the dark cave that used to be your bedroom and see the outside world. Stop being a vampire and let the sunlight lift you from your self-deprecating pit of despair. You’re amazing and if you need daily affirmations to remind yourself that, then do it. This won’t be the end of you, even if it feels like it. Fake it until you make it, right?
Breakups are hard. Don’t make them harder than they have to be. Take time to yourself to recoup and remember how awesome you are. Love will surely find you again.