We’ve all seen it, the engagement photos, caption reading, so excited to marry my best friend. Should you though? Romantic comedies allude to this all the time: the best friend who has been overlooked the whole movie, turns out to be the protagonist’s one and only. The two best friends are meant to be together!
Let’s face it though, this is problematic and should not be listened to. It sets the precedent that men and women can’t actually be friends. Instead, they are just friend dating, waiting for the other person to fall in love with them. Please, let friends just be friends! I will tell you why.
Relationships take work
You should genuinely enjoy your partner; successful romantic relationships include friendship, yes of course! But this notion that you should just date your best guy friend is so wrong. Do you want to be romanced? Hint: you’re allowed to say yes! (Don’t fall into the cool girl trap, and lower your standards because you think that’s more appealing.) The truth is, guy friends make for the worst boyfriends because they’re lazy. In their minds dating you is your friendship plus the addition of sex. Is that really what you want? Or do you want a boyfriend who understands relationships take a certain amount of effort and work.
Not all relationships work out
Obviously. Otherwise everyone around you would be married and divorce wouldn’t exist. You need to be realistic and understand that if you choose to date your friend, you may very well lose that friendship when you break up. Are you willing to take that gamble? In the event that you do maintain a friendship, great, but hopefully you aren’t the jealous type! You’re going to be right there, watching them move on from you to someone else. Also, you should consider how your friend has treated his other exes because that’s how he’s going to likely treat you.
You put your mutual friends in an uncomfortable position of having to choose sides
Guess what? You can’t go to your buddies about your relationship problems anymore. I mean you can, but then everyone is going to know about it. Every one of your friends is going to get sucked up in your drama, whether they like it or not. Along with that, now some of your friends hold secrets from you that your boyfriend told them and others hold secrets from him that you told them. That’s not fair to your friends and you probably are going to get upset knowing certain things are being discussed behind your back.
If you date all your friends are they really your friends?
Think about it. If every person you surround yourself with is a potential dating partner, once you actually are dating someone he is going to take huge issue with your opposite sex friendships. After all, those friends of yours don’t exactly stay friends. If you’re only friends with someone because you want to potentially date them, then he isn’t your friend! Period. Plus, friend dating someone isn’t cool. Don’t play the friend game in order to get close to someone. Think about it, it’s disingenuous and you’re only being a friend in hopes of eventually gaining something. That isn’t a true friend. If the roles are reversed, then he isn’t really your friend.
You’re not really compatible
Stop and really consider if you are compatible: values, goals, and expectations. Just because you enjoy someone’s company, doesn’t mean that he is the best partner for you. If this person isn’t what you need, then is all the drama worth it? Hopefully, when you’re dating someone you’re able to appropriately spot red flags as they pop up. If you’re dating your best friend, that likely all goes out the window. You’ve also put a bunch of pressure on the situation to succeed because after all, this is your best friend.
Sex changes everything
It’s true it does. And what if it’s bad? Now you’ve had sex with your best friend, you can’t undo that. Are you going to have bad sex from now on? Or do you have to end things simply because the sex is bad. You don’t want to have to make that decision.
At the end of the day, it’s your life and you should be making your own decisions. If you’re in love, follow your heart. But I implore you, consider these five things before jumping off the deep end, because losing your best friend sucks. Remember, those romantic comedy movies are fantasy not reality. They shouldn’t act as your guiding light!